Part 7: A Singularity of Dorks
7. A Singularity of Dorks
As per usual, the world looks a whole lot better after the boss is dead. Mystic Quest does a pretty good job of showing you how borked the world was before Shrug waltzed into this ‘destiny’ business.
The Battlefield below the Ice Pyramid has a unique background after the snow has melted. I’m pretty sure this is the only instance of this. The reward here is 540 EXP so phooey to that.
I really like the look of Aquaria once it’s been healed.
I sort of feel like it’s a bad idea to build a tunnel under your house but okay.
By tunnel, did you mean huge waterfall??
I don’t know why the Falls Basin theme gets reused so often but this is the second of three places we’ll be hearing it.
Spencer’s Place is just a little too big for it to be inoffensive. It’s like just short of a minute walk to and fro. Why can’t I ride the waterfall down, at least? That still wouldn’t be the dumbest thing Shrug’s going to do today.
But here’s Grandpa Spencer with his big bushy eyebrows that probably prevented him from freezing to death, just hanging out.
Phoebe and I restored the Crystal of Water’s light.
Then you’re the Knight in the Prophecy! The shield has found its owner!This perplexes Shrug for some reason.
A shield used by a Knight in days gone by. Captain Mac found it.
For years Mac’s been studying a Prophecy. On his way back from doing some research, the lake dried up and his ship ended up on a rock ledge. But that’s no problem. If we dig from here, we’ll be able to reach the ship.This is the dumbest plan I’ve ever heard in my life.
Anyway, here’s a key. The shield is hidden in the Focus Tower.
And now after all that jabbering you don’t even have the shield to give me? Your granddaughter is way cooler than you.
I guess there’s no better place than underground to feel tremors like that???
This is a pretty big river, guy, I’m inclined to believe that you found the ocean or something.
This Battlefield is our last stop in Aquaria. You’ll be fighting Phanquids here for the most part, with the occasional Sphinx popping in to annoy you. The Knight Sword will make short work of everything here, provided you’re a higher level than I am right now.
I’m not sure if I’m just unlucky, but I feel every time I ran into a Sphinx and a Phanquid they got to ambush me and getting confused can really drag this Battlefield out.
But this is our reward! It’s going to be incredibly convenient for Shrug because later dungeons are going to be a pain in the ass to walk back through.
It also lets you kill trash enemies like this instantly. You won’t get any reward for it, but it makes a real satisfying noise and it’s a great way to get rid of something you know is going to piss you off with confusion or whatever.
If you’re doing a low-level run of this game, then Exit is invaluable.
You’ll find Freezer Crabs and Gathers here. The reward is 429 EXP but Gathers let you glitch the game in a way that you can have around 256 fights before you get a reward.
It takes more setup than I’m really willing to do for grinding, but in case you want to try it yourself:
Fight until you have 1 battle left to go, reduce your health to a point that a Gather’s Selfdestruct will kill you but still effectively win the battle. Reload and win normally, then rejoice.
There are other little temples here and there. Between that last Battlefield and the Focus Tower is the Wintry Temple. It is totally and completely useless.
Much like this guy.
...well, what was the news?
My thoughts exactly.
Oh hell yes. This is the shield that Spencer was talking about and it is awesome. Most importantly, it prevents paralysis. While our party members will still have to deal with it, at least Shrug and friend won’t have to pitifully wait for death if they’re both immobile. We get a little more evasion and speed with it too so it’s a good day to be Shrug.
And a new spell that’s conveniently strong against the enemies in the place we’re headed to next? How fortunate!
Here’s what the statue was for if you were still curious, mysterious old man.
Hmm, this place seems like it sort of sucks.
And I was right! It’s a bit hard to tell, but the ground shakes every time we go to a new square. This gets old real fast.
For whatever reason, Fireburg gets a much more upbeat mix than all of the other towns in the game. I guess someone realized that this place is the worst and needed some form of redemption.
This sounds like something that happens all the time, frankly.
In the last house on the bottom left, Shrug finds this nice lady all too willing to just part with her Battle Axe.
Are you related to a woman in Aquaria, by any chance?
Unfortunately, the reign of the Knight Sword doesn’t last very long. If you’re at all a decent level, unlike me, this will probably be stronger than the Jumbo Bombs.
The
Suddenly the lock thing from earlier makes much more sense.
Why not?
At this point you can basically snap the game in half over your knee because nothing can stop you if you have a good stock of seeds on hand.
Next to the hotel is Reuben’s house.
This does not bode well for Shrug’s next conversation.
Shrug knows the deal by now and just wants to get out of here.
I can’t deal with that now. I’ve got to help Dad. Well, why don’t you let me help you!“I know where this is going, let’s get this over with”
He’s stuck behind a boulder.Oh, well, fuck it then.
There’d be no problem if we had a Mega Grenade, but only Dad’s friend can use them. Where’s the guy’s house? In this town, but he’s shut himself in.Of course it’d be in this town, you moron, that’s not what he was asking.
We’ll pay him a visit anyway. Come on!
Reuben is easily the worst party member. I’m not even talking about just this game. He’s the worst party member period. Think of any game you want. Reuben is worse.
He can hit a single enemy really hard. That’s it, that’s every good thing about Reuben. He’s got the HP of level 26 so that’s great too? There’s honestly just nothing to say about him.
You might have noticed that he has the same resistances as Phoebe. Well, not really. Due to a bug, new party members just get the previous member’s resistances until you do a hard save and reset. Ordinarily, Reuben is resistant to Fire. ...and that’s it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, a Fire resistance is definitely helpful here but it’s just sort of sad that he has nothing else.
This bug also influences stats to a degree. With Phoebe’s resistances, he has a little less defense and is less evasive, but he’s a bit faster.
On a different note, I think this is the lowest level I’ve ever gotten to Fireburg with. Huh.
Reuben wasn’t kidding about this dude’s house being locked, but fortunately we know a guy who can open any lock.
And why would you live next to a pool of lava?
We went to the house in the pit, but the guy wouldn’t let us in.
You two want in? Then take this.
“You wanna break into some guy’s house? Aight”
Ha ha, wow, you’re an awful friend.
“My dad’s friend is the only one who can use them”? Apparently it’s not very hard. I’m pretty sure Reuben was told this because there’s no way he wouldn’t just blow up his hand.
We already have a weapon better than our new Battle Axe. Well, against single targets, anyway. Spreading out the damage is as detrimental as ever. This is the last of the bomb family as well!
Let’s go save a dad.
Next time: All of the awesome loot in the world won’t make up for having to deal with you, Reuben
So here’s a question, thread. Since Reuben is missing his Fire resistance, which is the only other good thing about him, the upcoming areas might be a bit more challenging though I can’t guarantee that. So: take away his Fire resistance and make the next areas a little more interesting or let him keep it and play through normally? I know it's kinda a silly choice, but whatever!